There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize