remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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