Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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