If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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