i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize