I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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