dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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