Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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