and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize