i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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