I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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