I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize