Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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