He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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