I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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