just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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