We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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