My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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