There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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