I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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