Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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