i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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