I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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