Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize