I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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