There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize