The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize