Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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