I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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