I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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