o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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