my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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