Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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