It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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