you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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