seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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