If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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