Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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