She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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