Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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