i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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