last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize