So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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