Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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