he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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