It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize