It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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