In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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