Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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