just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize